So, you want to be a writer?

If you want to be taken seriously, here are the top ten phrases to avoid, or you’ll have seasoned writers groaning and casting you as comedy bit parts in their novels…

My punctuation / grammar / vocabulary is terrible

Punctuation, grammar and vocabulary are the nuts and bolts of writing. If you aren’t good at them, you’re not going to be a good writer. Now, don’t get me wrong, the last thing I’m saying is that if English isn’t your strong point you shouldn’t try to be writer. What I’m saying is, you need to roll up your sleeves and learn this shiz. No excuses. Editors will not fix it for you.

Speaking of which…

I expect when I get an editor, they’ll sort all that stuff out

Think again. If your manuscript isn’t in tip top shape, and that means only the absolute tiniest sprinkling of typos, then it’s not getting anywhere near an editor, Buster.

I like to break the rules, because I think it makes me edgy

If you are Chuck Palahniuk or Irvine Welsh, then fine. You may break the conventions of writing. However, usually when people say this, it’s because they don’t understand why the conventions exist and what effect breaking / following them has.

In writing, there’s a reason we use 1^st person instead of 3rd person, or use very long or very short sentences or even break the rules of capitalisation or whatnot. But if you’re going to break the rules, you’d better make damn sure not only do you know EXACTLY SPECIFICALLY what you’re doing and for what purpose, you’d better make sure it’s completely consistent, throughout the entire work.

If it’s not, I’ve got news for you – it’s not edgy, it’s lazy and sloppy.

Go to your room.

I want to be a writer, but I don’t have time

Then you’re not a writer. If you’re not writing, you’re not a writer. Don’t say you don’t have time, say nothing at all until you’ve started writing.

People don’t like my work because they don’t understand the genius of it

Well, what to say about this?

What ‘people’ are we talking about? If the people who have read your work don’t like it, it is possible you are giving it to the wrong people.

The other option is that it’s not very good.

 

Read more about 8 worst new novelist mistakes.

Nanowrimo will be here soon, so I thought I’d write an article about nanoplamo, or national novel planning month. This goes hand in hand with nanowrimo, and in my mind is the absolute key to successfully completing the challenge.

If you are completely baffled by all these nano words, then you might want to check out this article about what nanowrimo is and why it’s useful and / or this article about nanowrimo success.

A step by step nanoplamo!

Step one – get your tools in order

By tools I would include:

A place to work – preferably somewhere to call your own, where you can leave your stuff permanently, but if this isn’t an option, then at least a get a box where you can pack up all your nanoplamo / nanowrimo related things and keep them together.

Computer / software – unless you write on paper (in which case you must be insane), you’ll need a decent, reliable computer and somewhere to back up your work. All you really need for the writing itself is Word and a folder system for putting notes on various things in – but if you’re like me and hate spending time on admin when you could be writing, you might want to consider some dedicated novel writing software – and as you might imagine (because we built it) we would recommend The Novel Factory.

A moleskin notebook / app – while you’re immersed in your novel planning (and writing), lots of things you see in the rest of your life will give you ideas, and unless you have a photographic memory, you’ll need somewhere to note them down. A pocket sized notebook or an app on your phone is perfect (I use iA Writer on the iPhone).

Research materials – if you are setting your novel in a particular time or place, then borrow some books from the library on the period (or buy them from if you prefer – try Green Metropolis for ethical and cheap) and have them in lovely inspiring piles around your workplace for dipping into.

Step two – make a plan

You should have a plan of action for what you need to have achieved by whatever day of the month. It may look something like this:

Day one – write your premise

Day two – sketch out the rough overall plot

Day three – outline main characters

If you don’t want to work all of the steps out from first principles, then The Novel Factory includes exactly this step by step guide, or as we like to call it - Roadmap. You can read more about the Novel Factory Roadmap without having to download the software (which is free to try anyway) here.

Step three – follow the plan!

If you’ve followed steps one and two, then you’re in a good position to get started, and all you have to do now is have the willpower and determination to follow it through. And if your plan is in good shape before the 1^st of November, then you’ll be in much better shape to get that first draft knocked out in one month.  

Good luck!

Having a killer first line is the Holy Grail for many writers, and years have probably been spent agonising over the first few words which will be followed by tens of thousands.

This article is sponsored by The Novel Factory

In a series of articles, we're going to look at first lines from some well known books and try to gain some insights into how the masters do it. We'll look at a random cross section of literature from the old classics to the modern, including all genres from literary, comedy, autobiographical, fantasy, philosophical and children's.

In this first article, I'm just going to present twelve opening lines from various books, in order of the year they were published, then draw some general conclusions. In following articles, we'll look at them in more detail.

(In a few cases I've included the first two lines, where I think it's appropriate.)

Here we go...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

A TALE OF TWO CITIES (1870), Charles Dickens

A squat grey building of only thirty-four storeys. Over the main entrance the words, CENTRAL LONDON HATCHERY AND CONDITIONING CENTRE, and, in a shield, the World State’s motto, COMMUNITY, IDENTITY, STABILITY.

BRAVE NEW WORLD (1932), Aldous Huxley

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit hole, and that means comfort.

THE HOBBIT (1937), J R R Tolkien

July had been blown out like a candle by a biting wind that ushered in a leaden August sky.

MY FAMILY AND OTHER ANIMALS (1956), Gerald Durrell

This journey took place in a part of Canada which lies in the northwestern part of the great sprawling province of Ontario.

THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY (1961), Sheila Burnford

We slept in what had once been the gymnasium.

THE HANDMAID’S TALE (1986), Margaret Atwood

8st 13, alcohol units 2 (excellent), cigarettes 7, calories 3,100 (poor)

2pm Oh why hasn’t Daniel rung? Hideous, wasted weekend glaring psychopathically at the phone and eating things.

BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY (1995), Helen Fielding

On the morning after the night it happened, Bruce Delamitri was sitting in a police interview room.

POPCORN (1996), Ben Elton

By the river Piedra I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river – leaves, insects, the feather of birds – is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed.

BY THE RIVER PIEDRA I SAT DOWN AND WEPT (1996), Paulo Coehlo

He came one late, wet spring, and brought the wide world back to my doorstep.

FOOL’S ERRAND (2001), Robin Hobb

How does one describe Artemis Fowl? Various psychiatrists have tried and failed.

Artemis FOWL (2001), Eoin Colfer

The main conclusion I draw from these is the increasing brevity over the years. Now obviously this is too small a sample to really base any solid judgements on, but there definitely seems to be a trend of shortening first lines. This may be a reflection of our shortened attention spans, or the fact that there is so much more competition in the world of literature, so authors have to work harder to hook us in from the first moment.

Also, there seems to be a shift from describing the situation and aurroundings, to focussing right in on character.  All the examples previous to 1980 make no mention of a any characters, with the exception of the hobbit. However, every one after that mentions a character, with half of them even being mentioned by name.

In the next article on this topic we'll look at some of these opening lines in more detail and see if we can learn anything...

If you enjoyed this article, you might want to check out our novel writing software. Designed by writers for writers.